I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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