Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
