Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
