Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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