I wannas sexs uuuuu
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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