Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
