I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my being single is dangerous.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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