Soap is not a condiment
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
