I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
