she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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