just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
