I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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