Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
