Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I need mimosas to revive my soul
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
