he thought i was a dude.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
