I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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