I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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