Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
