I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
