I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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