he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
