They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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