Apparently you make a good broom.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
