Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
