Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
