And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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