you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
