so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
