I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize