Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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