yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
