Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
