last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
