i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i now understand why vodka
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh god it's open bar.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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