I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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