Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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