Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
