tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
where am i from again
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
