I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
