You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
