He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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