I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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