I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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