I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
