Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
