Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
