walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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