Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
