I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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