Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
